To work or not to work : that is the question!

To be or not to be: I read in English literature as a high schooler. Until I became a mother, albeit with an educational baggage, so to say. Since then my mind has been grappling with a new dogma of millennial feminist generation: to work or not to work. I am an Indian Muslim woman living presently in America with my husband and baby daughter. People in this part of the free world value education and those in pursuit of education. Therefore, I am often at the receiving end of admiration when people enquire about my educational background. "Oh, that is great! A PhD in Biochemistry and MEd in STEM. So, are you working?" Just as I am about to feel happy, my jaw drops and I shake my head. "That is an honest question though, but not right now!" I end the conversation on a humorous note by pointing towards my 11 months old daughter. But as I come home and put my daughter to bed, I can't help but wonder if people really understood why some mothers can't or don't do jobs. I call it job because work is a broad term but ironically, our society does not consider stay-at-home mothers as working. Although, according to a recent research, being a full time mother is equivalent to doing two and a half jobs. Ask those with experience, it is more exhausting and challenging than most paid jobs. People seldom perceive the scenarios or circumstances that are responsible for the decisions that mothers make for their careers or families. Even if they know the reasons, few would deem caretaking and house management as a commendable job, especially in case of educated women. I often cross paths with mothers who feel the pressure of joining workforce post-partum lest they face discrimination or loss of opportunities in their careers. However, post-baby, most moms are often subjected to prejudice and bias regarding their efficiencies or capabilities. Due to such temperament towards working mothers, women are often coerced to postpone pregnancy or marriage. It is high time we appreciate building personality, fostering ethics, ensuring children's safety and time invested by stay-at-home mothers as an immense contribution to the society. As commendable as being an ambassador for women's equality or running an NGO for children’s safety or being an activist for female empowerment. In America, most working mothers have to rely on daycares, doulas or nannies who are not as safe and budget friendly as self-care for their own kids. To add on, in case of immigrants like me, we seldom have the privilege of having extended family members to lean on for help with babies. Hence, it is not a cakewalk for such women to deal with the overwhelming experience of motherhood alone in a different country, culture and environment. I am fortunate that my education served as a savior for dealing with motherhood and acclimatizing in a foreign land. As I stayed home, I took care of paperwork related to health insurance, finding doctors, hospital registration and booking appointments. I became a prolific reader of parenting blogs and scientific papers related to childhood development, nutrition and psychology. It is a privilege that I am not under the pressure of working for financial reasons as is the case with some mothers and can stay with my child ensuring her safety and health. So, I don’t judge those who return to the workplace immediately after giving birth leaving their kids at the perils of nannies or daycares. For now, there is a lot on my plate as a mother, as a wife and as a woman. I understand that I am not the only one in the boat. Even senator Elizabeth Warren struggled with balancing career and family alone until Aunt Bee came to rescue. In addition, as she said, not every mother has an Aunt Bee who moves in to offer child support as she returns to work. Until the time our society caters to women's needs so they can balance career-family without sacrificing motherhood, we need to stop being judge mental about their career choices. As I finish writing this blog at 1:30 am in the night, my daughter just woke up crying, so I need to go back to work! For all those who might have asked the question, I hope you got your answer. If you are still in doubt, we need to redefine work or motherhood.

Regards
A full-time working mother